metallic silver jacket.

one time, i went to the mall, tryin to shop. this was last week. of course my first stop would definitely be H&M. its one of my favorite stores to shop, their style is very fun, funky/urban/techno-ish kind of clothes. im not really into preppy stuffs. but anyways, i saw this uber awesome metallic silver jacket/hoodie for $60. it was love at first sight! it kinda look like a plastic foil, very futuristic. it looks weird but i love it. and im like,i should get this one and wear it on my birthday. hah! so yup, im tryin to look for my size, but there's only medium and large, and xxlarge on the hoodie type, but the other one is like a motor cycle jacket and i really dont like it, but there's a small one so i said to myself, oh well i think i can rock this.


so yup, i hurried to the car so i could ask my uncle for extra cash. unfortunately he wasnt there and i have no fone, and the store was about to close. it was on a sunday. so im like OMGSH. to make the story short, i dint get the jacket. we tried goin back the next day, but it was all sold out. i was so mad, i wanna blame my uncle. and i dunno, it was really stupid but i was so irritable that past few days, i wont even talk to my uncle. and my cousins. but im not telling them the reason why.


so yup, my folks told me that they'll try to find me that jacket in buffalo new york (canadians like to shop in NY coz its cheaper) they went there but they dint find one. they got me a pair of chuck taylors though. so yup, that's it i think i just have to let go. i said to myself, if only my mom was here, she could custom made one for me. *sigh*


after my birthday dinner, i can't sleep so i decided i'd watch some films. i found this dvd "tears of the sun". that movie hit me so hard. it was a film about the nigerian war between the rebels/ muslims etc. i know its just a movie, but that's also reality. it showed a lot of violence, poverty, the fight for freedom and other struggles. i pondered for a while and it brought me back to my old self, the real me. growin up wit africans made me love africa so much, it was my dream to go there someday, be a social worker or somethin.


then i realized how shallow people can be. i realized how shallow i can be. i realized how fortunate i am. but sometimes i always forget that, because i want somethin more, im never contented. scenes started to flash in my mind, people bein hungry, dying of starvation, nothin to wear, no houses, bein prisoners of war, bein victims of cruelty and selfishness of other people.

i asked myself, how much money do i have to spend on clothes, and how many more chuck taylors do i need to complete my collections?, where would be my next travel be? i can't even answer myself. i felt so selfish, guilty, shallow and vain. i felt horrible. its not all about me. there's more to life than bein in style, partying and other worldly stuff. i dunno, i just felt like i have to write about this. it bothers me living like this. this is all vanity. its a shame.



photo by kevin carter, he committed suicide after just a few weeks he took this photo.