2007 in review


just thought i'd recap my year. just the higlights =P

i spent new year's eve at the quilatan's. early 2007, i joined the DuPage chorale, got a part time job in subway restaurant as a cashier, and i finally got my camera, nikon d80. i tried to apply as a flight attendant at American Airlines, i passed the first interview, but dint get hired. i forgot my resume so that made a negative effect on me. im so dumb. i also looked like an anime during the interview, some applicants thought im a stylist or whatever. i was also scheduled for an audition for la boheme. but i backed out the last minute. i got nervous! i also got to visit the bakers in Michigan, i spent a weekend wit them.

in spring, we did a classical concert together wit the DuPage Symphony orchestra, we did Mendelssohn and beethoven, both in German.

during the summer, Cham came to visit and we went to Michigan to see the Bakers. we went downtown chicago to meet Zyra. i rode the ferris wheel for the first time. hah! i also volunteered to be one of the crew leaders in the Vacation bible school held at Downers Grove SDA Church. the kids liked me =P

i quit my job in subway coz some freaky guy was harrasing me. i was supposed to work in jewel-osco but i lost my social security card. OMGSH. what a disaster. having no job caused me to go here in Canada. so yup, i like it here. i just wish i could work. but it would be a long process.

so yup, this year was unproductive. i hope 2008 would be better =P

starry, starry night.


ok, this is how demanding and curious i could be. i actually googled the history of vincent.


"Vincent" is a song by Don McLean written as a tribute to Vincent Van Gogh. It is also known by its opening line, "Starry Starry Night", a reference to Van Gogh's painting Starry Night. The song describes a different painting by Van Gogh in each of its stanzas.

Don McLean wrote the lyrics in 1971 after reading a book about the life of the artist. The following year, the song became the #1 hit in the UK and #12 in the USA. For several years, the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam played the song daily. A copy of the sheet music is in a safe beneath the museum, along with a set of Van Gogh's paint brushes, the hat he wore while painting Starry Night, and various other items.

the song
The song clearly demonstrates a deep-seated admiration for not only the work of van Gogh, but also for the man himself. The song includes references to his landscape works, in lines such as "sketch the trees and the daffodils" and "morning fields of amber grain" - which describe the amber wheat that features in several paintings. There are also several lines that may allude to van Gogh's self portraits: perhaps in "weathered faces lined in pain / are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand", McLean is suggesting that van Gogh may have found some sort of consolation in creating portraits of himself. There is, too, a single line describing van Gogh's most famous set of works, Sunflowers. "Flaming flowers that brightly blaze" draws not only on the luminous orange and yellow colours of the painting, but also creates powerful images of the sun itself, flaming and blazing, being contained within the flowers and the painting.

As far as the song goes as a tribute to van Gogh as the man himself, the song reflects on the lack of recognition that van Gogh received. In each chorus, McLean says "They would not listen / they did not know how / perhaps they'll listen now," except in the final verse, McLean says "They would not listen / They're not listening still / Perhaps they never will". This is the story of van Gogh: unrecognised as an artist until after his death. The lyrics suggest that van Gogh was trying to "set [people] free" with the message in his work. McLean feels that this message was made clear to him: "And now I understand what you tried to say to me", he sings. Perhaps it is this eventual understanding that inspired McLean to write the song.

It is also thought that the song intends to portray van Gogh's tough relationship with his family. They were a wealthy family who did not accept him for his schizophrenia ("for they could not love you") and never understood his will to help the poor. It is thought that van Gogh felt that in killing himself he would make the point to his parents. This is seen in the line "Perhaps they'll listen now". Many believe that the song is a touching tribute to van Gogh in respect of the hardship he faced with regards to his mental illness and his admirable good natured ways.

There are also references to van Gogh's sanity and his suicide. Throughout his life, van Gogh was plagued with mental disorders, particularly depression. He "suffered for his sanity" and eventually "took his life, as lovers often do". The word "lover" puts into context how McLean saw the relationship of van Gogh with his art - a relationship of love. This love was strong enough for van Gogh to persevere with his art even without acceptance from his contemporaries: "For they could not love you, but still your love was true".



i like josh groban's version though =P

boxing day.


ok, just some updates of my "canadian" life. yesterday was boxing day, its like the black friday in the US, where all store, or most of the stores are having sales. so yup, my roommates went shopping. i went to naj's place to rehearse, we're playin this saturday in church. we also went somewhere to watch a movie together wit some friends. we watched I AM LEGEND. weird movie, nice effects but i was expecting somethin more. i feel like it's lacking somethin. but anyways, will smith is one of my fave actors so its ok.

after movies we went back to naj's then we played some music, then they made me sing josh groban. hah! if only i could wish for an extra range. sometimes i wish im a tenor. but anyways, i sang vincent. its on my range. they thought it was gay, coz of the title. now its making me wonder bout the history of that song.


ok this is really random but i also learned that here in canada, "Z" is called "zed" instead of "zee" or should i say it's pronounced like that. but anyways, at first i was like arguing wit julio, telling him that its not zed.

OMGSH. i think im in trouble right now. i would be so grounded wit the phone. the bill came and i had like a lot of long distance call to the philipines and korea. oops! =0

merry christmas!


i think this is one of my best christmas ever. its so ironical since i spent it without my mom or my bro. i got to talk wit them though. we just had a simple dinner last night, but before that, i went downtown toronto for the feeding program. yup, i volunteered.


ive always wanted to become a server, but i never get hired. so i thought this was my chance to experience serving food to people. hah! i was expecting some drama but i think its not that touching as i thought it would be. i dunno, i just dint feel the joy of giving last night. weird. i can't explain why. i saw my guy crush again, he was a volunteer too. hah! OMGSHH and the funny thing was we're wearing same outfits. well not exactly matching but, we're both wearin layers, wit black longsleeves under and an i love NY shirts. he has a red shirt, mine's white. we're both wearin skinny jeans and chucks too. hah! too bad i dint bring any camera. grrr. but that's aight. the last time i saw him was he was wearin somethin red and turquoise. i was wearin a red shirt and turquoise chucks. that's really funny. hah! OMGSHH. anyways im not obsessed wit him. i just thought he's cool.


i got home like 7pm-ish. i was really starving. so yup, we ate then opened our gifts. i got some new shirts, and belts from auntie mae. she's really awesome. has good taste in fashion too. like me. hah! so yup, i think that would be all for now. dont really feel like writing. i feel so dumb right now. =P

holiday updates.


this month has been really crazy. hah! ive been really busy too this past days. i havent done any excercise and i think im gaining weight. holidays could be both stressful and fun.

on thursday:
kuya dennis and auntie joy, together wit their kids went downtown for ate joy's work party. i had to take the bus goin to church for rehearsals. i missed the bus stop and i had to walk like a mile to go to church. it was freezin!

on friday:
it was julio's last day in school, its christmas break, finally. it was full of surprises too. i got a new pair of chucks, and i got a christmas card from rita, wit $30 inserts. i wasnt really expecting any of those. since im not used of recieving gifts every christmas, or birthdays. its pathetic but yup, true.






on saturday:
it was a long day, woke up really early, prepare for church, rehearse my violin solo etc. the cantata was great, i guess. i think it was well done. i think i did a good job too wit my solo. i was really nervous at first, but i got over wit it. i got some new engagements after that violin solo.


VOZ family

during the afternoon, i got to hang out wit naj and shawn. we went to this party. i had to alter one of kuya dennis' clothes coz i dunno what to wear. i got lots of compliments wit the outfit. hah! and OMGSH, i saw my crush at the party. im soaring and flying! hah im so cheesy. and there's this girl too who's like flirting wit me. she's kinda cute, tall, and very model-ish. i dunno i just felt so dumb that night, not really in the mood of makin new friends. =P

but yup, my fave part is seein my crush. bwahahhaha. ohh that was last night. ohh and auntie sharon dela cruz got and ostrich egg as a christmas present. hah!

today:
went to the mall to meet up wit benji, a friend of mine from chicago. he's spending the holidays here in toronto. we went to the mall and shop. and chill for a bit in the parking lot.


wit benji

metallic silver jacket.

one time, i went to the mall, tryin to shop. this was last week. of course my first stop would definitely be H&M. its one of my favorite stores to shop, their style is very fun, funky/urban/techno-ish kind of clothes. im not really into preppy stuffs. but anyways, i saw this uber awesome metallic silver jacket/hoodie for $60. it was love at first sight! it kinda look like a plastic foil, very futuristic. it looks weird but i love it. and im like,i should get this one and wear it on my birthday. hah! so yup, im tryin to look for my size, but there's only medium and large, and xxlarge on the hoodie type, but the other one is like a motor cycle jacket and i really dont like it, but there's a small one so i said to myself, oh well i think i can rock this.


so yup, i hurried to the car so i could ask my uncle for extra cash. unfortunately he wasnt there and i have no fone, and the store was about to close. it was on a sunday. so im like OMGSH. to make the story short, i dint get the jacket. we tried goin back the next day, but it was all sold out. i was so mad, i wanna blame my uncle. and i dunno, it was really stupid but i was so irritable that past few days, i wont even talk to my uncle. and my cousins. but im not telling them the reason why.


so yup, my folks told me that they'll try to find me that jacket in buffalo new york (canadians like to shop in NY coz its cheaper) they went there but they dint find one. they got me a pair of chuck taylors though. so yup, that's it i think i just have to let go. i said to myself, if only my mom was here, she could custom made one for me. *sigh*


after my birthday dinner, i can't sleep so i decided i'd watch some films. i found this dvd "tears of the sun". that movie hit me so hard. it was a film about the nigerian war between the rebels/ muslims etc. i know its just a movie, but that's also reality. it showed a lot of violence, poverty, the fight for freedom and other struggles. i pondered for a while and it brought me back to my old self, the real me. growin up wit africans made me love africa so much, it was my dream to go there someday, be a social worker or somethin.


then i realized how shallow people can be. i realized how shallow i can be. i realized how fortunate i am. but sometimes i always forget that, because i want somethin more, im never contented. scenes started to flash in my mind, people bein hungry, dying of starvation, nothin to wear, no houses, bein prisoners of war, bein victims of cruelty and selfishness of other people.

i asked myself, how much money do i have to spend on clothes, and how many more chuck taylors do i need to complete my collections?, where would be my next travel be? i can't even answer myself. i felt so selfish, guilty, shallow and vain. i felt horrible. its not all about me. there's more to life than bein in style, partying and other worldly stuff. i dunno, i just felt like i have to write about this. it bothers me living like this. this is all vanity. its a shame.



photo by kevin carter, he committed suicide after just a few weeks he took this photo.

twenty second

i turned 22 today! wow its been a while since my last post. i dunno im just so lazy the past two weeks, i dint get to practice my pieces, and no excercise too. hah! im crazy, but anyways, i hope this week would be productive. im a lil bit busy rehearsing for the christmas musical on saturday.

oh yeah, i hanged out last saturday night wit some filipino canadians youth. its actuallie their christmas party. but anyways Naj was there too so thats really cool. she's like my closest friend here in ontario.

somethin happened that night that made me "close" to her. hah!

my brother's b-day. weeeeeeee! we're both 21 now, well for ten days though =]

confused.



bought some CD's today. my tita gave me money and i was supposed to go to the mall, but i end up goin to the plaza instead. i felt lazy to commute. i just wanna go out and have some time alone, doesnt matter where. i was feeling frustrated and down. im not sure why, i think im missin someone, but its really complicated. why would i miss someone i dont know so much. this has to stop. or i might end up bein miserable again. ive been there and i dont wanna be there again, its not a good feeling. so yup, the CD's that i bought were easy listening ones. one is inspirational piano music and the other one is african music. i was listening to the piano one a while ago and i tried to play my violin, following the music. Thank God for music. its like a refuge to me.

*sigh*
im still confuse on what i feel. part of me feels like im bein taken for granted, part of me is feeling guilty.

rants.


party is over, here i am, tired and irritated. im having a hard time talking, i still have no voice, well i do have but its very squeaky. i sounded like a boy in puberty. im feel down right now, i dunno if im just tired or im depressed. it just like one of those days where you just feel so miserable. i feel like there's somethin really missin in my life right now. im confused. all i know is i want my mom and mmy friends so bad. i wanna be wit them. i wish i have someone to talk to right now. but since i dont, i'll just try to analyze myself. OMGSH how pathetic is that? hah!

i want my voice back.


wow december is here, almost time to say goodbye to 2007! today, my lil cousin, Dana turned 3. and today, i woke up having no voice. i think its sore throat or whatever. im having a hard time speaking. i feel so bad during the choir rehearsal. i felt like i failed the director's expectation, when i walked in the room, they're like happy to see me so i could help out with the basses section. but i cant sing today, and i dunno i just felt bad. but anyways, i learned humility. im not that good when it comes to singing, well range and quality wise. yes i can sight read but everyone can do that if they'll find ways to learn how. bein treated as someone good, made me good. it gave me more self confidence. but yeah, i realized that maybe, i do have shot in chorale singing. i love chorale music and hopefully, singing is in my future.

hmm. today i was really uncomfortable during the church service, i was thinkin whether i unplugged the flat iron or not. i was really uneasy and i was prayin in my mind that i hope i really did unplugged it. but yeah that feeling dint last long. i did unplugged it. coz thats what i always do. hah! ok im bein random. i just watched the reply of america's next topmodel. my bet got eliminated, yup, i really like heather.

anyways, tomorrow will be dana's birthday party. my tito and tita are busy doin alot of stuff right now. im actually holding jannin, my baby cousin, while im typing. good thing she fell asleep. hah! just wanna share the invitation i made last week. i made it wit photofiltre. waaah i wanna have photoshop so bad!